Lisa Pankau, author of the book Beyond Seduction, Loving Without Limits says that there are five key types of intimacy that can be cultivated to create and achieve a deeper and more profound bond between couples that can last a lifetime and make everything in life worthwhile.
She’s been married twice. Her second husband Ed Pankau. was a well known investigator and author of the New York Times best-seller, Hide Your Assets and Disappear! He had never been in a monogamous marriage and she was his fourth wife at his age of 51. They had a good marriage (not without their own issues though) but he died unexpectedly. The loss of her marriage without her being ready for it to end was a huge factor for the reason why she wrote this book.
Ms. Pankau says that the best way to creating intimacy is through vulnerability.
“Vulnerability and intimacy are two words that create stress for most people, especially men,” she says. “But true love comes out of intimacy and to experience intimacy on deeper and more profound levels, one must experience vulnerability.”
Ms. Pankau writes that there are five types of intimacy and offers ideas to help people achieve success in developing a deeper relationship.
Intellectual Intimacy is the process of having conversations with your partner.
1. Have a meaningful conversation about something that emotes and moves your partner’s soul then ask your partner to share one of your topics of passion
2. Together, discuss your most inspirational moments and share those with the reasons why they were so moving
3. Share your life aspirations and make a plan to help each other attain those goals and dreams (no matter how unrealistic it may seem because what the mind believes, it can achieve)
4. Have a meal together (with no television or other distractions) and take the time to hear what is going on in your partner’s life and then share the same with him/her.
5. Have a conversation about something you do not necessarily agree on and then agree to disagree. This should increase awareness and understanding for the reasoning behind those belief systems that you both hold.
Social Intimacy is the process of sharing and enjoying what happens when you are together in public places.
1. Have a date night one night per week
2. Go for a walk on the beach, watch a sunset or experience some quiet time together
3. Participate in some activity outside of your normal routine to build “together” experiences and memories
4. Do something you would not normally do that your partner enjoys and ask the same of him/her
5. Remember that just because you are married or that you are involved in a long term relationship, courtship never ends! Treat every day as if you were in the beginning stages of your relationship and enjoy the newness that every day brings.
Spiritual Intimacy is the mutual development of understanding and respect for each others’ religious beliefs. Spirituality is significant to individual and mutual personal growth and can be a very strong bond between people.
1. Discuss together how you feel about religion or spirituality
2. Together, define your core beliefs and desires from a spiritual perspective
3. Share your insights and inspirations for your personal, spiritual growth
4. Experience a different religious or spiritual perspective together and discuss what you liked or did not like
5. Devote one day per week to indulge your senses in nature together.
Emotional Intimacy takes place when you can share something that makes you feel insecure or vulnerable and your partner responds in love with respect and kindness. It is the trust and confidence that will cause your relationship will grow to deeper levels of love.
1. Share with your partner an event or action that causes you to feel bad, scared, or insecure and have them do the same with you
2. Share your most exciting and happiest thoughts and events that occur throughout your day and ask the same of your partner
3. Share your true emotions with your partner and be “real” with them about who you truly are and where you are coming from. Ask your partner to do the same with you.
4. Be mindful to share your feelings and thoughts with your partner. S/he is interested in what makes you unique and you!
5. Exchange your deepest secrets together and listen to the other with an open and loving heart and no judgments.
Physical Intimacy is the process of touching each other in both a non-sexual and a sexual way. The rewards for those risks are that you strengthen the love bonds and create a passionate and very profound love that you can share for a lifetime.
1. Give 20 non-sexual touches per day
2. Have spontaneous sex at least once a month
3. Ask your partner to tell you something new that they would like to try – you answer the same question and then do it!
4. Light aromatherapy candles around the house (sensual and romantic scents) and invite your spouse to share a candlelight bubble bath with a glass of wine and quiet conversation in the tub
5. Call, text, or send flowers and tell your partner how much you love them and that you are thinking of him/her.
Relationships are wonderful and beautiful. They last when we take the time to cultivate them.
Loving Without Limits
List $16.95 Paperback: 168 pages Visions to Press, Inc. ISBN-10: 0982276907 ISBN-13: 978-0982276907
About Lisa Pankau
Lisa Pankau grew up in Texas and Oklahoma, the middle child in a family consisting of three daughters. As a divorcee and a widow, she has experienced life at both ends of the spectrum – from the depths of dread and despair to the untold bliss of true love. A few years after her husband’s death, Lisa retreated to an island home off the coast of Honduras to heal and to reflect on the more important issues of life. She currently works as a developer on the island, simultaneously creating her own dream and helping others make their dreams a reality.
For more information visit www.
What People Are Saying
There's more to a good relationship than lust and stability. "Beyond Seduction: Loving Without Limits" is a guide for those who have old relationships but are uncertain how to keep that fire alive as the years roll on. Encouraging couples to take an approach where love is not a dead concept yet is wise to the cruelties of the world, author Lisa Pankau draws upon her own experience and there is much for couples to learn from. "Beyond Seduction" is something that every long term couple should consider.
- Midwest Book Review
Radiant, romantic and inspiring. …… Her greatest passion is to help other people find love and keep it forever, while she encourages education, and a thirst for a deeper understanding of strength, and spiritual growth. The author has experienced life at both ends as a divorcee and a widow, from dread and despair, to the untold bliss of true love. I highly recommend this novel to anyone who is searching for a soul mate, for all married couples, and to anyone who seeks advice on how to spice up a relationship. This book is an excellent resource on how to make a relationship grow in strength, and how to hold on to what you have.
- Geraldine Ahearn, Amazon Reviewer