Dad of Divas' Reviews: REVIEW of James Lehman's Total Transformation DISC 6 "What to do after your child acts out"

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

REVIEW of James Lehman's Total Transformation DISC 6 "What to do after your child acts out"

Lesson 6 of The Total Transformation Program discusses The Alternative Response Process. James Lehman calls this lesson the “heart” of The Total Transformation Program.

This CD is full of great information and I can see why they state why this is the heart of the overall program. The Alternative Response Process by itself was an amazing process and one that I would love to start implementing in my own home. This process is a simple step by step process that addresses both large and small lessons. What I liked about this process is that it focuses on goal setting. It helps your kids by outlining what exactly goals are and how as kids they can better grasp the goals that parents are trying to enforce. I am still unsure about how well this will work with my eldest who is only 6.5, but I am willing to try. I can see how this program though will work perfectly with older kids.

Lehman explains that goals are products, not wishes. Goals are measured by commitments and commitments are pledges to perform specific task. Lehman continues by saying that commitments must be definitive, observable, realistic, reasonable and measurable. Too often parents set unrealistic goals that are not clear or attainable for a child, which causes them to fail, and causes the child and parent to become frustrated.

This lesson discusses “what will happen then” and answers the question “How will we know the goal is working?”. Lehman discusses the difference between a reward and an outcome, and stresses that not all goals need a reward.

There are 8 steps in the “Alternative Response”:

Step 1: Investigate: Ask the kid what happened and stick to the facts, not feelings.
Step 2: Confront: Meet it head on, honestly. State clearly what you saw going on.
Step 3: Identify: What were the triggers which preceeded the misbehavior?
Step 4: Challenge: Confront the kid’s perceptions about the trigger(s).
Step 5: Declare: Tell the kid to stop.
Step 6: Probe: What can you do next time?
Step 7: Choose: Ask the kid to choose how to handle it differently.
Step 8: Consequences and Amends: Not just an “I’m sorry”, but an amends. (Tee hee, this reminds me of my How to Apologize post.)

I really liked these eight steps and found them to be easy to understand and I am hoping to implement within the home. One of the things that Lehman does, especially in this lesson is use real life examples to help the listeners better understand and better comprehend what they must do to get similar results.

 The concept that “goals are not wishes” was a powerful one as I have been guilty in the past of having a lot of wishes for my children and not as many concrete goals. I think that I am starting to get better with the idea of being consistent with my rules and setting consequences for bad behavior but I know that I still have a little ways to go.

In the past I would raise my voice to be heard and I know that this is wrong and not effective, but am still working on this aspect of myself. I can see that in being more concrete with my goal setting so that my expectations are clear for my children. Also, just hearing an example of how to apply the lesson was very helpful. I hope to perfect The Alternative Response before as my kids get older so that we can have a pleasant household as my kids become teenagers.

All opinions expressed in this review are my own and not influenced in any way by the company.  Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Please refer to this site's Disclaimer  for more information. I have been compensated or given a product free of charge, but that does not impact my views or opinions.
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