Like most of us who have had to break up with some one, Derek Ivan Young understands the pain you are feeling and going through. His new book BREAK UP, DON’T BREAK DOWN has heartfelt words of advice for both men and women. But he isn’t going to mince words or hold back anything. This is not about warm fuzzies.
Derek knows that lots of people going through a break up would know exactly what to do with a nuclear bomb if they had one with just a itsy bitsy tiny localized yield.
But unfortunately all they really have is the lingering pain of a bad experience with someone, a lot of confused feelings, time on their hands and a cell phone. They’ve got the memories of the past and the shattered hopes and false expectations built on habits that feel like an itch that you just can’t reach anymore.
So he’s going to give it to you straight. He’s going to tell you exactly what you need to do to get the real healing started, go through with it, and get over it. It’s going to allow you to not only get on with your life but create a whole new and better life.
"It was not until I realized that things that I thought were
sent to break me are the same tools that make me."
~ D. Ivan Young
So get ready and get set, for here’s what you need to do:
Establish the End Date and Declare it to be Officially Reached
Breaking up is an event. Set a date and stick to it. Get out your calendar. Mark the Date with a Giant Black Marking Pen. Cross Out the Date on Every Calendar in Your possession.
Erase, Delete, Remove, Wash, Give Away, Sell Throw Away Everything
You must stop your senses from feeling, seeing, smelling, touching, or hearing anything and everything that has any direct association with the object of your former relationship. You must create distance and place physical barriers between things that bring you back to what can no longer be. Get rid of photographs. Delete files, email, letters, gifts large and small. Get rid of the things you received from this person. Even sell the valuable items and turn them into cash you can use for another important purpose – yourself or someone else in need.
Do Not Communicate With This Person
Do not talk. Do not write. Do not email or send text messages. Do not ask friends where they are or how they are doing. Do not visit his or her social marketing sites. Do not stalk. You must stop all unnecessary communication. Do not go to the same places the two of you visited. Declare these locations to be prohibited from use.
Do Not Think About Them Any More. No More Looking Back.
Do not think you can just be friends. Say to yourself: “I am not going back.” Say to yourself out loud: “They are not coming back.” Stop second guessing. Say again and again “It’s over.” Stop rehashing conversations, and when you find yourself thinking about them, stand up and walk ten feet away and look at something that forces your attention in a new direction. Practice this technique until you can do it sitting down and being comfortable with your \new powers of concentration.
Face Forward. Make a List of the Things You Like
What do you like to do? If you like to read, buy a bunch of new books. If you like to take pictures, by a new camera. If you like yoga, sign up for a new class. If you like to exercise, then head to the health club. Make a conscious decision to be selfish and focus on satisfying your desires to get what you want and do what you want to do. Carry these things you like with you so that you can always play with your preferred toys no matter what comes into your mind from the past. Choose the present and choose you first.
Get a Life
Start with a clean fresh piece of paper. Get a new notebook or diary. Start a new book about yourself. Create a new plan. Write down a new set of goals. Add to it with smaller clear objectives and write down new dates of execution. Carry this plan with you and refer to it constantly. Build on this plan wherever you go.
Do New Things
Change the sheets. Go to new places where you will be forced to be with new people that you do not know. Buy new clothes. Wear new jewelry or makeup. Get a new hairdo. Get new music. Even buy a different car or move to a different apartment or house if you want to. Do things that bring new sounds, smells, feelings and experiences into your body, and into your life. Enjoy and savor these new sensations.
Finally Meet New People
Talk with someone you don’t know. Take a class and be with whole class of strangers. Get used to it. Relax and begin to enjoy new people in new places. Some day you may be ready to strike up a conversation with someone who appeals to you.
The sweetest revenge you will ever experience will come if you create a happy new life for yourself. But it can only happen if you decide to make it happen.
My Take on the BookFor those of us that have ever gone through a breakup, you know that at times it can feel like your world is falling apart. With this in mind, this book does a great job at supporting those who are going through the stages of loss and grief that one does experience in this process and allows for people to feel lifted up during this process.
The author does a good job at allowing the reader to understand the stages they are going through and what they can do to help themselves through this so that they do not break down as the book implies.
The book takes a sequential approach to thinking about the break up itself. From the initial stages of separation to dating once again, the book takes the reader step-by-step on a journey that will allow them to move at their pace back into the relationship world.